Sharron's Blog and Vlog

I wanted Sandra to win...I never kept it a secret...I crowed it out loud... and when she did I screamed and screamed.
I wish I was her friend...we could drink beers together...just like that beer drinking, pizza eating scene from “Miss Congeniality”.
And.
I have not seen “Precious”...let us not forget that it is based on “Push a novel by Sapphire”...way to go Sapphire's literary agent...hard to say but way to get your shit out there!!!
So, as I said, I have not seen “Precious” but it seems that the world agrees that Gabourey Sidibe is wonderful in it...and maybe she should have won the Oscar...maybe yes, maybe no.
BUT as of this morning they were both actresses were featured in the Crazy Olympics that appeared on my and your computers and in our newspapers.
Everyday, for my fancy news, I go to the Globe and Mail...and sometimes I read Lynn Crosbie...she is sometimes mean, sometimes caustic...but I find some of her articles interesting...and her columnist photo is that of a rock and roll band groupie...which I always find intriguing.
Today, Lynn Crosbie had an article entitled “Sandra Bullock snags a sweetheart deal”...
I got worried...and then as I read it I found that I had every right to be.
Horrible and mean...and written like a person who woke up in the middle of the night after a bottle of wine and wanted to really bitch about the girl who was more popular than her in highschool.
I am not saying she was...that is just how it seems.
Hm.
She refers to people like myself...the lovers of Sandra...in the following paragraph...

“most tabloid gossip involved her rapacious appetite for appalling junk food like Marshmallow Fluff and raw cookie dough, which made her still more endearing, especially to the lonely girls, eating jumbo boxes of Dots in the dark.”

Nice.
I guess all of us girls (and some boys, I am sure) are obese, single, depressed, closet eaters...to be ridiculed for our stupidity.

And Lynn must have a very long and focused hate on for Sandy to recall this...

“And then, in 1995, at the height of her fame and shortly after the (fiscally disappointing) The Net, David Spade, the evil little oracle, did a bit on Saturday Night Live about her. Sean Penn was the guest, and Spade asked him if he had seen “the talking pig movie yet.
Babe had just come out, and Penn said “No.”
“What, you haven’t see The Net?”

Who remembers that??? Who???
And then...just in case you thought she was mincing her words...there was so much more but this...this was the highlight...

“Bullock’s weakness was one bad film, an obvious nose job and status as a single woman, which makes all stars sexually suspect — even the queer, hyphenated Meredith Baxter-Birney knew this."

Can’t you just see the Mean Girl standing there...”Well, she got a fucking nose job...bitch.” And the queer comment...I leave that for you to make your own decisions on...but it ain’t good.
Bitter, petty and mean. That is how is all sounds. And, most sadly, disappointing.
So,Lynn, if that is what you were going for....congrats.
And if that wasn’t enough, then I went to the Star...and there was a bookmarked article with this title.
“Is moment in spotlight over for Precious star Sidibe?”
I hoped to not ever see this sentiment...but knew that the society we live in would not be able to resist.
Since she is big, and she didn’t win the Oscar... like that woman from Gilbert Grape and Hairspray...she was finished.
I cannot even.
And the reason these stereotypes are perpetuated?
People like Howard Stern...who, incidentally, was prominently featured in this article...are you ready?...this isn’t for the faint of heart...

“Stern made the comments on his Sirius Satellite Radio Monday, calling Sidibe “the most enormous fat black chick I’ve ever seen.”
“It’s just ludicrous because everybody is pretending she is part of show business and she’s never going to be in another movie. She really should have got the best actress award because she’s never going to have another ... what movie is she going to be in?”
“It’s so sad, you just want to say to her, ‘Listen honey, now that you’ve got a little money in the bank, go get yourself thin, you’re going to die,’” said Stern, known for his wilting, profanity-laced diatribes."

Wow. I know he is an asshole but this takes it. He is the sort who wishes all women would work out and not eat so they could stay in porn films, where they belong.

That is all that needs be said about Stern.
But, the sentiment is everywhere...fat is a one trick pony...so after you have done your “fat” role and gotten your accolades you better get on the treadmill.

Now, here is where I get mad...did anyone say that to Paul Giamatti after “Sideways”, or Phillip Seymour Hoffman after...well, anything that he has been nominated for?
Some leading men are large, bald, not especially handsome..... and celebrated.
Some of the biggest box office sellers are Seth Rogan, Jack Black and that younger, funnier guy who looks like Seth Rogan...and Will Ferrell.
John Travolta and Alec Baldwin lose and gain weight like the changing of the seasons and they get bigger parts....funnily enough.
"Where is the female version of that" Glenn Sumi said on twitter a couple of weeks ago...I ask the same thing...oh ya...we have to allow it first.
We have to open our fucking minds.
Yes, I am a big girl...I have been a smaller girl...I will be a smaller girl...and probably a bigger girl again...but that is not how I describe myself...I have NEVER let that limit what I can do...the world might do that to me...but I will never do that to myself.
Can’t we get past this...can we get past being embarrassed because we enjoy or are entertained by something that is supposedly “low brow” or “chick flicks” or “chick lit”...can we allow all people to be artists? Can we at least let them try?
And can women stop bashing each other?
AND DID ANYONE MENTION ANYTHING about men at the Oscars? How they looked, why they did or didn’t win...how Steve Martin has had OBVIOUS (there you go Lynn) facial surgery? I don’t give a shit...but have they?
No, let us focus on the nice and the large.
Goodness gracious, jesus wept.

More dates to follow!!!

I love the Olympics.
I didn't get to watch them much this year, and that was a sad turn of events...but I liked even knowing that they were happening. Kinda like how when I was growing up I might not have seen my Grama all night because she was holed up in her room doing macrame but I knew she was in the house and that made me feel safe and warm.
I would sit in front of our stereo/tv console for the whole two weeks ...two in the summer and two in the winter..,when the summer and the winter games would happen in the same year...that feels like a million years ago now!
Do you guys remember that?
I recall feeling a bit dejected that we NEVER seemed to win any medals...not as many as Russia...
Watching what I could of these Olympics...though I would rather sit in a pile of poo than do any cross country skiing event...I felt involved and felt like Canada had done something special. I know you are all saying "Well, duh, Sharron." But it beats mentioning again that we went from NEVER winning a gold medal on our own soil to winning the most gold medals by a host country. I mean, COME ON!
During the eighties Canadian organizers and coaches talked on and on about how we needed to invest in these atheletes...as communities and local governments...federal governments and companies...and it happened ...and we are finally seeing the fruits of all of that funding and attention.
All I can think of...is this...what if we did the same thing for the arts in Canada?
Imagine what we could accomplish.
Sigh.

Okay, may I start with my favourite new phrase...holy crap doodles!
I was driving to Staples to photocopy...again...the people who work there all yell, "Hi Sharron!" when I walk in....like Norm from Cheers....alright young people...that was a popular sitcom from the 50's.
Some kid asked me who STING was last month. Jesus wept.
What was I sayin'?
Okay, so I am in my SUV, that no one will buy, driving to the Staples and I turned on the radio because I like to keep current with the popular music for my all important work...and the radio announcer said..."Alright, here is the NEWEST version of Hallelujah coming up?"
The newest version?!?!?
NEWEST!?!?!
LEAVE IT ALONE!!!
Oh for craps sake... it was all effing self indulgent and slow and whiny..oh my dog.
And for the record...I have been wanting write something about this song for a while but the spelling daunts me...I had to go to my dictionary and figure that shit out.
I remember it like this now Halle(Berry)Loo-Ja(Rule).
Sometimes to be good at one thing you must let go of another....shopping for spelling.
LEAVE THE HALLELUJAH ALREADY!
Let us all imagine KD's version from the opening ceremonies...and eff you judgers...she WAS SINGING LIVE!
I just now realized that KD is like Kraft Dinner.
God, I am hungry.

This may not be something that has ever crossed your mind....but, for some bizarre reason, it did mine.
We were watching the end of the Men's Biathlon yesterday.
Let me say first off...I have the greatest respect for these athletes....I am sure that they work like dogs.
But.
The end of the race was an uphill sprint...on cross country skis...with a gun on your back....after skiing and and shooting...for 10 Kms.
The guys who were racing each other at the end ALL had drool running out of their mouths...their wide open mouths... as they pushed themselves over the finish line and then promptly smushed their spittle covered faces into the ground...along with the rest of their bodies.
All I could think of was when I was 12 and my family got cross country skis and we went skiing.
On my first hill...uphill....I was halfway up and I wished that I was dead.
Dead.
As we watched all those people laying on the ground I said to George...
"If I was offered a million dollars and I had two choices....one was to spend 4 years training to compete in the winter biathlon and the other was to sit in a pile of poo for a week....I think I would choose the poo."

.......................................................So, my friend Trish and I are standing at the Tim Horton's sandwich making station...it always takes them forever to put together a turkey club...their service is only second to the FABULOUS service you always get at Canadian Tire. (Everyone who works there seems like there wish they were a bit dead.) Trish and I are dishing and there is a middle aged dude who seems amused by our conversation and looking for an opening to be a part of it. I do NOT encourage it. Trish and ! get to the part of the conversation that is focused on my late night viewing of the VH1 special DIVAS....you know...Divas started years ago with awesome chicks like Cher, Mariah, Christina, Celine...and now it has been going on for so long that the only ladies who they can come up with are Miley Cyrus... WHAT!!!?!?!? And Jordan Sparks...WHO!?!?!? I recalled her name but still had to google her...she is most remembered for the inane comeback on the MTV awards to Russell Brand's hilarious joke about the Jonas Brothers' purity rings....Ms. Sparks said something super smart like..."Some people aren't sluts!" WTG.
Anyhow. The part of the show that we was talking about was the AMAZING opening number ...not so much. I was pontificating how Paula showed up in a Liza Minelli wig and lipsynched...sanked...whatever...to a medley of her biggest hits....like that gem "Cold Hearted Snake"...and that hot tune "Opposites Attract"...I mean really... and this middle aged dude...remember him? Says "Well, it is too bad you aren't cattie" to which I turned...giving him my full height and saying " It isn't cattie if it's the truth" and then just stared at him.
What the eff?
Was I talking to you?
If my voice is pitched a bit louder than other people does that give you a right to involve yourself in my chat about VH1's Divas???
Do we look like we want to talk to a middle aged dude who seems to be habouring an opinion on VH1 Divas?
Do you have personal relationship with Ms. Abdul?
Hey old dude... eff off!
AND THAT IS MY TURKEY CLUB!
Okay...no it isn't ...but wouldn't that have been awesome?

SO!
I had to shop for an outfit this weekend. First of all, bad move to go out when the "weekend people" are out.
Now, because I am a person with a flexible schedule I enjoy the blessing of being able to do activities when people are working. I never go to popular city destinations on the weekend because the "weekend people" come out.
What are weekend people you might ask?
Well.
They are the people who populate places like the mall, the grocery store, kitchy restaurants, book stores, libraries, walking paths and furniture stores on Saturday and Sunday in their weekend clothes...jeans that are pressed, track suits made of velour, blond pony-tail-wearing-girls in matching sweater sets, pants and spiffy coats, with very small purses, very big sunglasses and just about gay boyfriends. You know who I mean....
I have nothing against weekend people.
Actually, they look at my weekend clothes....that are a step down from my regular fancy "jeans and a t-shirt" weekday look...and maybe think I might be homeless...
So, anyhow...I am at the Eaton's Centre trying not to kill myself...I am all hot because I overdressed and am wearing a down coat inside for 5 hours...I have taken my clothes on and off so many times that I have begun to discard layers in my purse....I am sure someone thought I was shoplifting....my hat has been pulled on and off so often that my hair looks like a squirrel messed in it...and I am on way out of the mall...and thought I would try and sit down before the long walk home in my fake, salt covered UGG boots...classy...suck it, people...and I cannot find a seat....because all of the "weekend" husbands and boyfriends are sitting in them looking more miserable than me....if that is possible....and the last seat I look at is being taken by...and I am not shitting you people....a chihuahua in a Burberry coat....and MATCHING SCARF....sitting beside a girl on a bedazzled Blackberry wearing a spiffy coat...holding a too small purse...you get the picture.
And you know all I could think?
Life is fucked when a dog is dressed better than me.